The great thing about being some one who doesn’t date it that you’re able to take the objective viewpoint, analyse and critique, and understand relations between people at a much better, clearer level. It’s dope. It’s the reason my friends consider me the “go to” person for relationship person …seriously.
A prominent finding of mine in terms of what screws up relationships and the minds of those involved is the amount of ‘games’ which are played between the two parties. It’s just nauseating, and when you’ve seen such games played out over and over again especially with the same people ..you ask begin to ask yourself: Why do I know these idiots?
So, what I’ve decided to do is gather a bunch of my personal favourite games — games which you should play before you enter a relationship and/or are in the initial stages of one. Games, just like in politics and economics (boo game theory), can help you discover potential outcomes and the behaviour of the actors; they require thought and the way you play them is very microcosmic.
1. It’s important to know how articulate your potential lover will be; a limited vocabulary makes for limited, redundant and boring conversation. I want my man to be able to use words like: nectareous, alimental, and thermogenic just to describe the dinner he just had. One of the best games to play to determine his vocab prowness is Scrabble! Traditional, clean, good fun. What’s not to like? Plus, you can also determine how much sex he or she has on his/her mind — look for double entendres in the words that your potential significant other throws out there. Seriously — Scrabble can get pretty perverted. It’s not a game to play with the grandparents sometimes.
2. Fiscal skills are dire. If you’re going to be spending a lot of time with this person(i.e. your whole damn life), you need to know how your potential other handles his/her purchases, bills, are they frivolous, and whether or not they make overall good investments. For this I suggest another classic: Monopoly! If they end up in jail, expect future trouble and kick em out. Don’t forget to throw a soap-on-a-rope at their head.
3. The mind is a terrible thing to waste. It’s also a terrible thing to not advance, thus leaving all those who interact with you in agonizing pain. Stupidity is not cool. Cranium provides the ultimate intellectual test — you get trivial pursuit, pictionary and charades all in one! So, bring out the fair trade soda, and Cran’ on!
4. Communication is KEY! This will ultimately make or break a relationship as it is the foundation of every kind of relationship. If you are unable to communicate with someone, a romantic partner or other, then your understanding and compassion towards one another is weakened and limited. And for this important aspect, I suggest a few games. Pictionary! You are forced to guess what your partner is trying to convey without the use of any words, only through what he or she is trying to draw out for you. This is also helpful if you want to know about his or her artistic and creative skills — not everyone can draw out the word “dignity”. Charades provides the same advantages — except is a little tougher because not only are words not allowed, but there are no pictures involved either. Just body language — which is good if you want for the relationship to progress; body language is the hardest language to understand (aside from goddamn math) and often results in many misunderstandings: did his shrug mean he’s happy? Oh, he’s not happy. oh god, he hates me. OH GOD, I’M FAT, I’M UGLY, MY BABY MAKER IS BREAKING AWAY SLOWLY, WHAT MAN WILL HAVE ME? etc. Body language is a horrible, horrible thing.
5. Fights are a natural part of a healthy relationship — they cause us to re-examine things, to vent, and to critique those we love whilst recieving the critique ourselves; anger and tears can often bring two people closer together. Of course, no one really likes to fight. I mean, come on, unless you’re into the whole Sado-masochism thing, you freak. Anyway, there are games you can play in order to be prepared for what your potential significant other may throw at you during a fight. Strategy games! The best ones are checkers and chess! Checkers is great, because it’s so racist. Red vs. Black? It’s like the dream game of a 1820s White land owner, damn injuns ‘n negroes! Chess is a little more cliche in terms of racism, but cool because Black gets to have its own kingdom, political hierarchy and all! Plus, chess is pretty pro-Feminism — the King’s this total weak slob, and the Queen is pretty much your biggest weapon to protect. Although ..I guess you can read that as incredibly sexist ..using the Woman as a tool. Anyway! Checkers is a fairly quick game, representing those quick “before going out” arguments, so it can show you the moves that s/he will try out. Chess is more tedious, thus representative of those long ..long, nasty fights that bring out the tears and chocolate. Look at all the pieces as representatives of the different sorts of arguments that are used in a fiery fight. The Pawns are just those small, petty little insults and arguments that we just throw out in the heat of the moment–and eventually, we run out of those; they’re useless, really. The Bishop is that ‘transcendental’ point that we always make in any argument — it has nothing to do with the big argument at hand, however has everything to do with the bigger picture. It’s pretty useless in the short term, but later on you will realize its importance and will think about ways you could have better utilized it. The Knight is that point at which we become tired of fighting, and hold the other person as to momentarily reconcile — but we know it’s useless, although it makes some pretty dope moves and can sometimes be really successful. The second most powerful piece is the Rook. The Rook is what we drive in right before using the big guns. It begins to get nasty, and much more deceitful at this point. Sweat is breaking all over you, and the time has slowed down. Then ..you use the Queen, your final weapon and last hope. If she’s gone, your hope lies in the lesser of your weapons ..this is your rationality, your big point, your argument. If you lose this, you’ve pretty much have lost the game unless you’re talented at utilizing the other pieces to keep the King, your ego, in tact.
7. I’d recommend the 90’s good time game of Twister for *raises eyebrows repeatedly*
Flexbility is important when you’re cleaning the apartment — being able to reach above the cupboards is sexy.
7. Ambitious people are so hot. Seriously. I love people with drive and a thirst to achieve something they definitely don’t have a chance in hell of achieving. Risk is the BEST game EVER to play. PERIOD. It will show you not only how strategically advanced your other is, but will show you also how deceitful, how ambitious, and how in control he or she can be. Seriously. Just try one game, and if you’re not attracted to them — then you clearly need to consider changing your sexuality to “asexual” on myspace, cause yeah ..just ..yeah.
8. Clue’s a good game to play. Nothing particularly relationship-y about it. It’s just fun. The movie’s pretty dope as well. Check it.
9. Solitaire. If he or she is good at it, dump ‘em right then and there. Clearly they’ve spent lecture time in university, hours that were supposed to be spent working at the office, and Friday nights playing the damn game.
10. We spend life constantly searching for things — the perfect school, the perfect career, the perfect dinner, the perfect person, the truth. Hide and Seek is an excellent mechanism for learning what tools the other person utilizes in his or her world to find those things they are constantly searching for.
11. People are consistently trying to put the pieces of their life together, and often need help. Puzzles, of any sort, can help you and her/him work together to sort through the mess and create a clear, visible picture — the one on the box; the way things are supposed to look like.
12. If all else fails, play Life. It seems pretty encompassing by sounds of the name. I’d really recommend it if you’re planning to spend the rest of yours with him or her.
So there you have it folks, games to play when you’re getting ready to jump into a relationship. If you’re going to play them, at least make them somewhat interesting and wholesome.
