Danny and Amanda were one those couples that just made you sick. Not in the “oh my god, can they not take their hands off of one another for a minute?” kinda way, but sick in the “If this ends ..it’s going to be ugly” sorta way.
It did.
And it was.
Danny and Amanda were your typical high school couple. Met through a mutual friend, found some sort of attraction within one another, had doubts on both sides on the other’s feelings, and there was that awkward period of ‘courting’ ..over msn.
As Amanda’s best friend, I was thrilled that she had found someone. Danny was her first boyfriend, and she wanted everything to be perfect and special. Their first kiss had to be perfect, their song had to be perfect, their connection had to be perfect. And all of that was perfect.
For the first few months.
The relationship had happened at an awkward phase in our lives, to be quite honest. It was the February of grade 11 when Danny asked Amanda out. We were that phase in life when we all were entering the early stages of something which would stalk our thoughts for the next ten years or so. You know what I’m talking about. I had started having pseudo-subconcious-anxiety attacks about my future. Katie was entering the ‘re-evaluation of self and direction’ phase. Jocelyn ..well ..the thing with her is that she keeps everything bottled up, so whatever her ’something’ was supposed to be ..it was kept bottled up deep inside of her. She knew what it was, but the rest of us could only guess. As far as Amanda was concerned, she was entering the “where do I fit in? Who am I, really?” point in her life. All of these phases are your prototypical growing up ’somethings’. We all have them at various periods in our lives–they’re what shape our thoughts, opinions, actions, travels, writings ..everything. We become that ’something’ for that given period.
Anyway.
Amanda’s ’something’ received much attention from those of us who were her friends. Danny was your typical high school punk/ska , short, skinny portuguese boy (which actually reminds me ..bonus points for dating out of your ethnicity, Amanda!). Needless to say Amanda, her identity at its most vulnerable, quickly adapted to Danny’s style. She became, and i know she’ll cringe at reading this, a pop-punk princess. Now let me explain this term in context for a second. Amanda basically delved into the underground world of indie music and mainstream punk. From Rooney to Death Cab for Cutie to My Chemical Romance to Simple Plan–Amanda had found her temporary niche. After a couple of months, the new image, the relationship, the pink and black–began to get to the rest of us. That famous relationship cleavage was created–best friend and best friend’s boyfriend on one side ..and then you on the other. In the year and so that they went out ..we missed out on a lot with one another in many respects during a crucial period in our lives.
The summer of their relationship was a critical one as Amanda began expressing doubts. I think it’s safe to say that she was hitting a new level of maturity and was realizing the relationship for what it was: superficial. She would tell me how she’d ask Danny, after making out or cuddling, why he was with her and before he could say a word she’d say “And don’t say because I’m hot”. And he wouldn’t. Unfortunately ..he wouldn’t really say anything else either. She also began to realize that they had nothing in common. Amanda is an extremely artistic person by nature, and Danny ..well ..Blink 182 is probably at the pinnacle of his artistic tastes. Maturity began to catch up with Amanda, and it wasn’t making her mind any less chaotic.
During their relationship, I learned what it really meant to be the third wheel. I didn’t mind hanging out with Danny; him and I had become good friends towards the last few months of the relationship. I loved hanging out with Amanda–she was my break from maturity. I just didn’t like standing to the side while the two held one another on the skytrain and nuzzled. I didn’t like how I could never get alone time with Amanda anymore. Seriously, I couldn’t. Even if we were physically alone, Danny was a common topic for conversation. But ..as a friend, especially a best friend, you know that your role is to be supportive and help push your best friend towards breaking up with her boyfriend.
It was December of our final year in high school, when Amanda approached me with tears in her eyes about how she was sick of everything about her relationship, how she felt it was going no-where, how it had plateaued in every aspect, and how she felt she had been in it for all the wrong reasons. In the 7 minutes I had before history class, I basically calmed her down and told her to do what she felt she had to do. Of course we talked about it later in the day several times–but that was my basic message. She shouldn’t be in the relationship if its causing her so much pain and if she honestly feels there’s nothing left to discover nor anywhere to go. It may sound harsh, but I promise I worded it in a much softer, more persuasive way.
The next day she approached me again, teary eyed, and told me how she had broken up with him. I’m not going to lie ..I didn’t really see it coming. NOT THIS SOON. Immediately pangs of guilt went rushing through my body. Had I just helped end a year and a half relationship? OH my god, was I going to have a bunch of punk skids on my ass (no pun intended)? I know these are irrational questions, but hey, in my defense I was 17 and suffering from constipation during that time.
The break up happened and I thought that would be it. I knew I’d have to deal with Amanda, her emotions, her doubts, her rebound. But I was prepared.
Then they got back together.
And broke up again.
Who saw that coming?
While I was, again, prepared for the Amanda Aftermath, I was NOT prepared for the Danny Disaster. We went from talking once a day in school casually to talking 5 hours a night on msn, with him pouring out his heart, soul, and insecurities. It was intense and ugly. Danny and I were decent friends at this point, and someone I really liked and thought was an overall nice guy–but it became to much for me to handle, what with my own ’something’ happening. How the hell did I end up becoming the third wheel in the break up? Does this come with being a best friend? No one told me this when I signed up.
After I was finally able to get Danny to calm to down and stop messaging me all the time on MSN, after the initial Amanda Aftermath seemed to calm down, after the awkward lunch hours, after the disasterous ending to prom, after graduating, after going off to university ..I realized something.
Amanda wasn’t the only one who had broken up with Danny. We all had.
While Danny and I weren’t super close, we were still good friends, something i’ve downplayed in this piece. He was my best friend’s boyfriend, we spent a lot of time together, and I made him cringe with my perverse sense of humour. Jocelyn was perhaps the closest to Danny throughout–they had a friendship outside the ‘best-friend-counterpart’ realm. But it all ended when the relationship ended. We stopped talking. We stopped seeing one another. In fact, the first time I saw him after the break up was over a year later when I returned home from university. The friendship definitely had ceased to exist. The last time I saw was this past December, when he showed up at my place with one of my best friends and her boyfriend, who’s also a good, close friend of mine ..to say goodbye, the night before my flight. It was odd, without a doubt–an old friend I hadn’t seen in long time. A best friend’s baaaad-break-up ex. And now here he was, in my living room, just chatting away. He definitely wasn’t the same Danny I had known in high school, but then again, I wasn’t either ..er ..the same Sana. Belated cliche alert. Sorry, guys.
Anyways.
What his last visit made me realize was that a relationship between two people is not contained. There’s no Truman doctrine, there’s no Marshall plan. A relationship is between the core, which is the two people who are all gross and lovey with another..and then there are the peripheries..the friends, the family, etc. Once the core breaks apart, all the peripheries are severely affected (mmm..sweet, sweet political realism). Everytime I see Danny I’m reminded of all of this. For almost two years, he was a friend. We shared many good times, and have a lot of fond memories. But once him and Amanda broke up ..it ended, right then and there. We didn’t really talk about it. It was understood. Danny went from being a physical person, a good friend to just another character, a memory. All we have left of one another are memories and yearbook signatures.
While our friendship isn’t as strong as Jocelyn and Danny’s had been (and I know it was tough on her), it still hurts sometime. Not the actual situation itself, but the idea of breaking away from someone you’ve come to know ..because their relationship with your closest ally has deteriorated. I know that there will be more Dannys, that there’ll be more ‘breakdown of the cores’. I know that sometimes it’ll happen and I won’t really notice, and I know that other times I will notice, and who knows ..maybe not even approve because of that. All in all, what I’m trying to say in these last few words is ..that I really don’t know how to end this entry.
so.
yeah.
